how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
