your parents love me but you hate me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
