her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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