school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
