Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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