The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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