Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
