I skipped work to stalk him.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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