If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
