I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just tell him i said nine months
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
