Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
