$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
