You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
