i just made my gag reflex go away.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
