Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
