My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
