she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
