The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
