one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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