She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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