Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
