Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
