He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
