I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
