It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
is it fun? or sober?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
