Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
