I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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