..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You smell like a Billy Joel song
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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