I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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