Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
