Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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