I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he puts the penis in happiness.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
