You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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