Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
