i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
