What a fucking waste of an outfit
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
