New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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