Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
