K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
