Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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