I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
