I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
