You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
