she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
