from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
