my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
