My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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