he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
