oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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