They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
