Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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